152.4

Today's my 5th day of fasting... I've already lost 12 pounds.  I have so much farther to go though.  I've changed my ultimate goal weight to 110 pounds...42.4 pounds to go! That's alot! My goal weight that I had set for today was 153.6 so I'm 1.2 pounds lighter than my goal weight.  I wonder how long it will take me to get to 110 maybe just a couple months.... I hope.  I'm hungry today though think I need to drink some more liquids.  

After work

Finally off work...I did good today.  Only caloried I had was one piece of sugarfree gum with 5 calories.  Going to go work out tonight if my husband gets home early enogh from work.  I'm not hungry at all today just feeling tired. I hope I don't start feeling like I'm going to pass out...I hate that feeling. When I get home I'm going to drink some gensing tea...maybe that will give me some energy. 

155.8

Woke up this morning and weighed like always...today I am 155.8!  That's so great! Last night I went to the gym with my husband....I didn't work out on the machines but I swam for about an hour, I was pretty tired when I go done.  Then I went to the sauna for about 15 min and sweated my ass off.  After that I went home and starting feeling kind of lightheaded and though I was going to pass out so my husband made me eat...I only ate like 1/2 cup salad with just lettuce, vinegar and salt so I don't feel too bad this morning about that.  This morning my husband cooked some fried eggs and was trying to get me to eat but I didn't and told him I have to have toast with them cuz I knew we never have bread in our house.  So far so good for the morning.  I'm drinking a diet mt dew right  now and smoking.  I'm not even hugrey.  All I can think about is food and how I can avoid eating it but still make everyone think I'm eating.  My husband told me I look fat this morning...it didn't really bother me though cuz I know its true and that just makes me want to do better and lose weight faster.

I have to be good!

I'm finally home from work, the house is empty, just me. I have no want to eat anything. Thank God. Only problem is that my husband is on his way home and was already talking about dinner. Said he wanted salad and chicken to eat. Maybe I just pretend I already ate. I hope he doesn't make me eat anything. I really don't want to blow my diet again. Today will be easier than yesterday though because at least today we are not going out somewhere just to eat. We are going to the gym as soon as he gets done eating. I'm feeling a little weak and tired, so I a little worried that I won't do very good at the gym...or even worse that I may pass out. I'm just going to have to get it in my head that I can do it and just make it through it. Then as soon as I get doing cardio I'm going to go swim some laps in the pool then go relax in the sauna or hot tub. I'm so fat! I'm scared to even get on the scales because I'm afraid that my weight hasn't went down any then I will be all sad. Wish me luck!

Late afternoon day one

Its almost 4:00 and still doing good on the fast.  I'm hungry as hell though. Need to smoke but I can't cuz I'm still at work...I know that would take the edge off...only an hour and a half til I'm off. Thank god! Gotta be good tonight. I will be thin

Middle of day one update

Well its 12:30 and still doing great on my fast. However, today I am extremely hungry. Maybe I just need to down a couple glasses of water to fill me up.  Right now I'm on my lunch hour from work and I'm just sitting in my car writting this blog on my phone.  I was looking at some other pro-ana and fasting sites earlier.  I know I'm definitely not anorexic. I'm too fat to be anorexic and I'm not that strong willed.  However I do believe I do have some sort of eating disorder. I can neither be in the healthy median when it come to eating...I'm either fasting and starving myself or binging like crazy.  Why can't I just be normal? I hope today is better than yesterday afterwork. I'm going to try to get my husband to go with me to the gym tonight.  I'm just going to do a lot of cardio until I can't stand anymore then go swim for a while then the sauna. Surely to god I will lose a couple pounds today if I do that.  I really need some support when I'm fasting...it seems like I start looking forward to be able to blog something just so I can get all of this out of my head. I will try to post another blog tonight but not for sure if I will be able to since I will be with my husband all evening and night...don't really want him to know what's up with me right now.

Morning of 1st Day...Trial 2

I've been good this morning...only have consumed 0 calorie liquids...here's the list of the things I've consumed thus far:

One 0 calorie Sobe Lifewater, Acai fruit punch flavor
7 cigarrettes
2 large cups black coffee with 4 packets each of equal sweetener
2 caffeine free hydroxycut diet pills